Curse of the Sister Moons
by VashandNaomiForever
Summary: Hilda is unhappy, she thinks Kuja is dead and wishes that he weren't. Not in love with Cid anymore, upset with Kuja's death, she vents her anger and hurt up to the twin moons, cursing Kuja for giving up so easily, for dying. What she doesn't know, is that he lives. Her words were heard, Kuja wakes one morning to find himself in a predicament. Funny! R
1. Chapter 1

**Curse of the Sister Moons**

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 9 belongs to Square Enix.

Hilda stood out on her private balcony, gazing up at the night sky and cursing his name for what must have been the hundredth time. She cursed him for dying, for not being strong enough to survive or at least have the will to live to see another day on Gaia. _Coward_, by the white holy feathers of Alexander, why hadn't he _lived_?

Hilda was stuck forever with a husband she still secretly held resentment towards. Shackled to the title of Lady of Lindblum when she wasn't in love with the Regent anymore. At this point it was a marriage of convenience. convenience more for him than her...Then again where would the lady end up at if she did gather all her courage and strength and left her husband, her kingdom...

The Desert Palace may be empty, but undoubtedly monsters still roamed the halls. Not exactly a safe home to stroll about in. Besides, it'd just remind her of him and his absence.

By the sister moons, damn that man! Damn him for giving her a desire to leave her normal, political life. For wanting something so much more.

"By the power within my heart and soul, sister moons do your worst to that man!" Useless, he was dead, no longer with us, deceased, he had kicked the bucket. What good would cursing a dead man do her?

If she had only know, Hilda never would have made such a curse to the powerful moon sisters of Gaia...

-0-0-

He had been recovering, resting his worn and weary body inside his empty palace. Zidane, his idiot little brother, had saved his life. A debt he'd unhappily have to repay someday. Kuja was tired, after everything that happened in Memoria, and the Iifa Tree, he just wanted to rest. It was different, not having a master plan to keep his mind occupied all day and night. Besides rest and food, the only real important thing Kuja ever thought about, was the former prisoner he had kept.

That woman had been a source of companionship, her responses much more eloquent than that of his servant black mages. She had been easy on the eyes as well, much more so than the incredibly annoying Zorn and Thorn...that was one creature Kuja was glad death had taken.

Lady Hilda...Are you happier in your castle, with your mustached Regent? Does he stay true to you?...Does he make you happier than I did during your stay?

Useless questions, it wasn't as if Kuja could run out and see for himself how the lady fared. His body was weak still, his magic not yet back to full strength. The fact that everyone assumed he was dead wouldn't help matters either. Zidane had been told to keep Kuja's existence a secret until he was ready to reveal himself, he'd stay in solitude...

The silver haired genome awoke one morning to an unexpected sight. His usually trim, flat stomach he'd had for countless years, was now round and bulbous. He sat in his bed, still somewhat shocked and a part of him wondering if he was still sleeping. A cautious hand touched his bare, large belly, pulling back after feeling his grotesque texture. It was a hard roundness, similar to a tumor. Was that it? He'd awoken to a gigantic tumor making his belly large and heavy?

A cure spell was used, followed by another and another, his ailment staying the same. Kuja went through different curative spells, one after the other failing to solve his problem. Had some fool been brave enough to find him in his sleep and perform transfiguration magic? Few had the skill or ability, even less had the nerve to try something on a skilled mage like himself.

That's when a suspicion crept into his very unhappy mind. Lady Hilda had transformed her cheating husband into an oglop. Could this have been her doing? How was that even remotely possible? Besides the fact that everyone thought him dead, why would she do it in the first place? He had considered their parting bittersweet. He hadn't been completely evil towards her. He had even felt a bit of an attraction from her curious eyes...

"Damn it Hilda, if this is your doing, so help me!" He seethed as he began to plot out a plan. It appeared his death would have to be revealed as false information. Kuja was going to Lindblum, one way or another he'd find a way to get there and accuse the transfiguration mistress, Hilda Fabool.

-0-0-

Hilda was receiving guests, the beautiful young queen of Alexandria, her niece Garnet and the queens consort, Zidane. Cid was busy, working on his beloved airships, when he should have been beside her greeting the young couple at the air dock.

The Alexandrian summoner was smiling happily as she hugged her aunt, telling her it had been too long. What was it, three months? Maybe four since Zidane returned? Hilda supposed it had been a while since they last met. Time seemed to move so slowly here in Lindblum, yet here they were, already in the spring months.

"Where is Uncle Cid?" The summoner had questioned, bringing a light frown to Hilda's full lips.

"Practically having an affair with one of his new airships. If he could figure out a way to construct breasts and a vagina, I'm sure you'd be calling one of those ships 'auntie' instead of me." Hilda sassily answered, Zidane grinned widely, humored, while Garnet looked aghast at her aunts language.

"Come along, the tea will start to cool if we don't hurry." She whisked them off, headed for the royal dining area.

-0-0-

He had no dragon anymore, her body and soul gone onto the next life. Without her, and no longer the owner of the Hilda Garde 1, Kuja was in a bit of a bind. He had decided to search for a chocobo, with the right greens, they could travel over water. After shuffling through forests, punching a Ragtime Mouse right in the face after it had asked him an incredibly annoying question, then lighting the brute up with a flare spell before continuing on with his search.

Kuja finally found a wild chocobo near a marsh somewhat close to Conde Petie. After spending most of his magic on the flare spell, Kuja was almost drained by the time he put a persuasion spell upon the wild creature. He fed it the proper greens before mounting the magically tame animal, riding it into the nearest bay, and relaxing as the creature began to trek over water.

-0-0-

"Tell me, how is everything in Alexandria?" Lady Hilda politely inquired, sipping her tea elegantly.

"General Beartix wishes to leave her position, even though Steiner has admitted his personal feelings for her...I'm worried. Steiner loves her, if she goes, it'd be wrong of me to keep him there." Garnet sighed, resting her eyes a moment before looking at her aunt directly. "What would you do, aunt Hilda?"

"Darling, I'm the wrong person to ask. Look at me, I'm still here with your uncle, unhappy and wanting a change. If I were Beatrix, I'd leave before she's tied down to her kingdom and a man. Live her life to the fullest before she's forty and too old to be traveling the world alone." That's what Hilda wanted to say, but knew better than to say such a thing to her young and impressionable niece.

"I shall keep and eye out for any suitable replacements should the couple decide to leave Alexandria. You certainly need someone to help run the defenses there. Until then, just stay hopeful that they'll decide to stay." Hilda offered her polite advice.

"Enough about us, what about you and Cid? There's obviously tension between you two, is he chasing skirts again?" Zidane boldly asked, perceptive as always.

"_Shush_!" Garnet tried quieting him, apologizing to her silent faced aunt.

"To be bluntly honest, Zidane, Cid _bores_ me. Your brother may have been the '_villain_', but at least he was entertaining. He certainly didn't _ignore_ me for a non living machine like an airship. No, Cid's not cheating, but at this point I wish he would. It would give me a good reason for leaving." She matter-of-factly answered him.

"Aunt Hilda..." Garnet looked sadly towards the tea sipping blonde.

"I'm unhappy, trapped, and unable to have any children of my own. Does that answer your question well enough, Zidane?" She looked upon the former thief coldly. No one to talk to about her inner turmoil had produced her open admittance to unhappiness within her marriage.

The dagger at Zidane's belt gave her ideas as she sat there, unpleasant ones but at least it'd be a way to a type of freedom. How many nights alone had she thought about it? Offing herself for freedom, for internal peace.

"_Counseling_?" Zidane cautiously suggested, to which the lady glared icily at him.

"We're far beyond that." She tersely spoke.

"Cid's a good man, he means well. The regency wouldn't be the same without your help running it." Garnet tried reasoning. "Besides, what about Eiko?"

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen Eiko yet. Where is the spoiled little princess?" Zidane asked, his head turning about to search for a hiding little summoner.

"Eiko's with Doctor Tot, receiving a thorough education. She won't be back for a small break until next month." Hilda answered, her face softening a bit when speaking about her adoptive daughter.

"What would happen to her if you left?" Garnet repeated her question, determined to get an answer out of her aunt.

"The way I've been feeling, I imagine the best place for her would be with you two. Cid wouldn't spend enough time with her, the time she's here. You and her are the last summoners, it seems only fitting that you'd be together." Hilda commented, Zidane and Garnet were awkwardly quiet. Both weren't use to or comfortable with the idea of raising a child. Eiko was like a sister, not a daughter to the Alexandrian queen.

"This talk is all pointless, it's not like I have anywhere to go if I did leave my husband." Hilda sighed defeatedly.

"I wish you wouldn't talk so sadly. There are people who are much poorer and unhealthier than yourself that would rejoice if given your life." Garnet tried making a point.

"Then let them take it!" Hilda lashed out verbally, unimpressed with her nieces take on her situation. Briskly she rose, the couple standing as Hilda scooted her chair back.

"Excuse me while I go find a tower to jump out of." Hilda dramatically huffed as she began to walk away, her niece staying behind while Zidane jogged after her.

-0-0-

Kuja felt fat and out of shape as he shuffled his way into Lindblum. He had on a disguise, a gray mages robe with a brown steepled hat on his silver head. He carried a simple staff as he slowly made his way into the city.

The chocobo had bucked him off when they arrived close to the kingdom, his charm of persuasion worn off. He'd been taken off guard, a thing that hardly ever happened to him, and had landed hard on his rump. After throwing a lightning spell after the fleeing bird, he'd awkwardly crawled off the hard ground and onto his feet. This transformation was becoming quite a bother!

Never in his life had Kuja been overweight or his mobility hindered so greatly. His anger and annoyance was slowly growing as he made his way further into the busy city. People would smile at him oddly, some men would wink his way, which wasn't too unusual. Most men had trouble telling that he was male. What he hadn't expected, was crossing paths with a pregnant woman. She stopped in front of him, blocking his path with her heavy body as she asked him a very uncomfortable question.

"When are you due, dear? Mine's only a month away, you look like it's only been a few months inside." She smiled and waited, expecting a response.

"For your information, I woke up one morning like this." Kuja grounded out, the lady had the nerve to chuckle at his words!

"Don't we all?" She sassed him, frying his nerves as she patted his stomach before taking her leave.

-0-0-

Zidane had followed Lady Hilda to the castles air cab station, her green eyes held resentment and loathing as she turned to glare at him.

"Leave me be. I'm not really going to jump off a tower." She frowned deeper as he simply stood there, eyeing her curiously as his tail twitched about.

"What? Have something more to say, to ask of me?" She barked at him, wanting him to get on with it or leave.

"My brother...Did you have a thing for him?" Zidane finally asked, Hilda felt her cheeks flush as lightning flashed through her eyes.

"I never slept with him." She answered hotly.

"I didn't ask that. Did you _like_ my brother? Better than Cid?" Zidane waited, a look in his eyes that held a secret.

"Why are you asking me this? How would it matter now that he's gone for good?" She felt sadness overcoming her anger.

"You did, huh?" Zidane chuckled, irritating the emotional lady.

"He paid more attention to me as a _prisoner_ than my husband ever did to me as his _wife_. Your brother had his dark side, but he was also polite and treated me like the gentleman that he was. He was a gifted man, I'm just sorry he didn't use his talents for better reasons."

"Why Lady Hilda, was that a _compliment_?" Zidane smiled at the new arrival, watching as Hilda turned to see a gray dressed mage.

"I hate to pause such a wonderful conversation topic, but Lady, you've got some _explaining_ to do." At this point the mage took off his robe to reveal his usual attire, the only unusual aspect being his grotesquely large stomach. His hat came off next, his identity fully known now by the awestruck Lady of Lindblum.

The quietness between them was pierced by her sharp, high pitched laughter. Lady Hilda was laughing and pointing at Kuja as if he were a side show exhibit.

"You find my disfigurement _amusing_?!" He hissed, leering at her laughing form.

"Kuja, you came back to me like _this_? I never thought you'd be the type to let yourself go!" She teased, regaining her composure slowly.

"Let myself _go_? How _dare_ you! You're the only one able to pull off such a transformation! Fix this Hilda, or so help me I will _drag_ you back to my palace and show you how real prisoners are treated!" He growled, very serious with his threat.

"Kuja, I thought you were _dead_, how could I have done this?" She shook her pretty blonde head, stepping closer to the obese mage.

Hilda's hand cautiously reached out to touch his protruding tummy, pulling back at what she felt.

"I'm in no mood, Hilda. _Fix this now_!" Kuja pulled her to him, looking her demandingly in the eyes.

"Kuja, that's no transfiguration spell. You're...you're with child."

"_What_?!" Both brothers spoke at the same time. Zidane started to laugh, falling to the ground and rolling with laughter. Tears streamed down his face as he laughed at his brothers predicament. Kuja stared, shell shocked, at the empathetic Hilda.

"Does your race normally do this? I mean, do all males carry children?" The lady asked.

"None of my race has conceived before, it's been unknown that we even could..."

Zidane's laughter paused at this, "Wait a minute, you're saying that this could happen to _me_?" He asked the two, wide eyed.

"It...it appears so, little brother..." Kuja uneasily spoke, glad that the laughter had stopped. How was this possible? He didn't have relations with Hilda, let alone anyone else recently. Could magic have a hand in his conception?

"Hilda, you had no hand in any of this?" He questioned, trying to sort everything out.

"Well..." She paused, thinking back.

"What?!" He demanded, shaking her a bit as he waited impatiently for an answer.

"I...I was upset, upset that you died. I was out on the balcony, looking up at the twin moons when I cursed you for dying..." She shouldn't look him in the eyes, embarrassed at her admittance.

"What exactly did you say up to the night sky?" He asked, his grip on her tightening in worry.

"By the power within my heart and soul, sister moons do your worst to that man..." She quietly repeated her curse.

Kuja let go of his hold on her, touching his stomach dejectedly. Bahamuts bright red ass hole, the woman had cursed him! An old fashioned, gaze upon the moons curse, a technique that had died out eons ago. Gaia's moons held a power not many knew about, if the legends were true, sentient beings existed within those moons. If they had listened to Hilda's curse, Kuja was in deep, deep chocobo poop.

"Kuja, are you alright? You look very pale." Hilda felt his forehead, his skin was clammy to the touch.

"I believe I need to lay down..." Too late, the once most powerful man on Gaia fainted, Hilda barely holding him up while Zidane rushed over to help.

"I can't believe it." Zidane commented, helping Lady Hilda carry the unconscious man into the castle.

"You knew he lived, didn't you?" Hilda asked.

"He didn't want anyone to know. Not until he recovered." Zidane tried excusing his lie.

"I've never seen him this way, so weak, so helpless." She commented, seeing Kuja in a whole new light.

"I'm sure he's not happy about it. When he wakes up, he'll be all kinds of grumpy." Zidane spoke, helping her take him to a private room. No guards crossed their paths as they snuck in the ex-villain.

"We have to let him rest. I'm not ready to tell the Regent about his...arrival." Hilda was trying to save Kuja from any negative receiving he'd face from both the Regent and her niece Queen Garnet.

"You know, there may be a way to pass him off as a stranger. He's not gonna like it, but it might be better than a confrontation right now." Zidane began, an idea bright in his wild eyes.

"What did you have in mind?" Hilda asked, very curious about the imaginative lads idea.

-0-0-

A/N: Any one like where this is going? Poor Kuja is in for a surprise when he wakes up. You don't really see a lot of stories about Kuja being weakened by his experience from the Iifa tree. So I'm enjoying the challenge of keeping him in character while still reminding the audience (this means you) that he isn't a God, he's been through a lot and it's going to take time to gain his strength back. Review and let me know what you're thinking! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Curse of the Sister Moons**

Disclaimer: final fantasy 9 belongs to Square Enix.

Kuja had been mistaken as a cross-dresser on multiple occasions. Had he ever truly been one? No, just because he liked feminine attire and had his hair long, didn't mean he wanted to be mistaken as a woman. You can imagine his utter surprise when he awoke in an unknown room, wearing ladies undergarments beneath a noblewoman's gown.

"I do not recall saying I'd enjoy dressing in drag this evening." He seethed, looking around for someone to tell at for his changed attire. Kuja was approached by the Regents wife, Lady Hilda was to blame for this _monstrosity_?

"I know this may seem very odd, but hear me out. Seeing that everyone else thinks you're dead, Zidane came up with an idea to sneak you out of Lindblum. Or at least camouflage you until we can get you away safely." Hilda watched as Kuja's eyes squinted, his mouth a thin line of displeasure.

"We dress you as a woman, I'll say you're a visiting friend from Treno, and escort you home."

"A plan that needed approval first, I'm not about to pretend that I'm a lady! They'll recognize my voice the moment I speak, Hilda. _Honestly_! I can't believe you were willing to go along with my brothers asinine idea!" Kuja tisked.

"Then you'll be a mute. See? That way you don't have to answer any questions, I'll do all the talking for you." Hilda smiled, finding the idea both amusing and fool proof.

"I simply refuse to play along with such a ridiculous spectacle." Kuja crossed his arms assertively.

"Kuja, you'll be playing the main role in a play..." Hilda knew of his obsession with plays and operas. Kuja silently damned her as he mulled over that statement.

"If Zidane starts laughing, I quit right then and there. Do I make myself clear?" He watched as the noblewoman nodded her pretty blonde head eagerly.

"Can I brush out your hair?" She smiled, holding a brush in her slender hands.

Kuja sighed, rolling his eyes as he slowly rose from the soft bed. "I feel one tug and you're banished from ever touching my tresses ever again." He heard her chuckle giddily, showing him a chair next to a vanity. Kuja regally sat, watching in the mirror as Hilda gently, slowly ran the brush through his long silver locks.

"What will your Regent think of my large stomach? Will you make up a fake husband for me as well?" Kuja asked, enjoying the caress of her soft bristled brush.

"Well certainly. You're my mute friend Penny, who's going to be a mother soon. Your husband is Sir Arthur who resides in Treno and owns businesses throughout the night city. I'm quite quick on my feet, you know." Hilda winked at him through the mirror, Kuja's right brow raised questioningly.

"Penny? I think not. Penny is a name given to a poor, lowly Dali farm girl. I am _Lady_ _Katherine_, a blue blood from Treno with a _very_ respectable family tree. My husband gained by marrying _me,_ not the other way around. Do we have an understanding?" Kuja would have it his way, or no way at all.

"_Fine_, Katherine it is. You're really getting into this, aren't you?" Hilda remarked, placing sparkling barrettes of high standard in his hair, making Kuja even more lady like.

"I'm getting into character, nothing more." He scoffed, watching as Hilda brought out colorful make-up. "What do you plan on doing with that?"

"You need to look the part, so I'm going to apply make-up." She answered, picking up blue eyeshadow.

"Careful, I don't want to look the part of a _whore_. Lightly apply if you must." He ordered, making Hilda roll her eyes at his pickiness. Gently she applied the eye product, loving how it made his blue orbs pop. Hilda picked up a tube of mascara and enhanced Kuja's already long eye lashes.

That's when Zidane came through the door, seeing his older brother getting all dolled up, brought forth a cheeky grin.

"Laugh and you die." Kuja warned, looking through the mirror at his goofily grinning brother.

"I knew you'd pass as a girl, I just never realize how good looking you'd be!" Zidane teased, receiving a light zap from Kijas fingertips.

"That was a warning shot." Kuja cooly informed, watching as his brother backed up, looking at Kuja with a frown.

"Alright, alright. I get the message. Are you about ready Hilda? They're waiting." Zidane informed her, Kuja looked between the two quizzically.

"Dinner, Kuja." Hilda offhandedly explained, her hands quickly pulling out a perfume bottle and spraying the drag queen with lavender scents mixed with baby's breath.

Kuja coughed, remarking that she didn't have to drench him in the powerful fumes.

"Alright, remember, no talking, leave it all to me" Hilda reminded her former captor, turning to follow Zidane out of the room.

"I'm starting to see why so many whores forgo their bras. Blasted things are terribly uncomfortable." Kuja mumbled as he followed them, shuffling with his heavy weight.

"Suck it up, and try not to waddle in there, you're a noblewoman, not an overstuffed oglop." Zidane sassed him.

"I do not _waddle_!" Kuja barked, feeling a spell forming at his fingertips, Hilda's hand reached out and stopped him from unleashing its power.

"Boys, quit bickering and start behaving like adults." She eyed them like a nanny would before leading the way towards the royal dining hall.

-0-0-

"So, _Darling_, tell me again where you met this...charming young woman?" Cid questioned his busily dining wife for the second time. Lady Hilda had ran through quick introductions, treating Kuja or "Katherine" as a normal guest and going about dinner as per usual. Cid was curious about the new guest, Kuja's features possibly attracting the Regent in a sexual way. Hilda snickered at that thought, her guests looking her way curiously as she pretended like nothing had happened.

"I told you, _Sugar-cup_, she's an old friend from Treno who stopped by for a visit. Now can we eat our meal without further interruptions?" She raised a brow at him, the Regent nodded offhandedly, his eyes fixed on the cross dressed mage.

"You never spoke of her before, you can't blame a husband for being..._curious_." Cid spoke, his mind likely in the gutter as the Regent continued to ignore his meal and watch the silver haired pregnant lady eat eloquently.

"You hardly ask me to pass the salt anymore, let alone any questions about my past." Hilda snipped, cutting her meat with a little too much enthusiasm.

"That's not true!" Cid looked her way, a practiced hurt look on his face, the guests they had made him even speak back about her comment. Garnet and Zidane sat back and watched the couple subtly argue over the dinner table.

"I ask about the time you were prisoner to that skimpily dressed mad man." Cid argued, their silent silver haired guest pausing his movements. Hilda looked across the table at her ex captor, sharing a silent smile as she thought of the best way to answer her husband.

"Dear, you only keep asking me about that because of your jealous streak, I swear, it's like you _want_ me to say he raped me." She heard Garnet choke on her food at her aunts statement. Zidane was giggling like a little kid hearing his parents swear, while Cid's face turned purple from anger and indignation.

"Hilda, your _language_!" He hissed her way, the lady only shrugged, looking down at her plate of food, avoiding eye contact with her furious Regent.

"Perhaps, your friend would like to travel about the city tomorrow, enjoy the shops and sights?" Garnet intervened, wanting normal and wholesome conversation at this dinner table.

"I'm sure _Katherine_ would love that, she could look at local tailor shops and have a few baby outfits made while we're at it." Hilda watched as Kuja glared, finding no humor in her suggestion.

"That would be fun! I've never had to shop for children's clothes, let alone a little infants outfit." Garnet beamed, thrilled with the notion.

"Then tomorrow we shall help our guest do just that!" Hilda smiled at her niece before turning to look at the blank faced mage. His lips moved but nothing came out, maybe he was counting to ten to cool his temper?

'_Damn her, damn her, damn her!_' Kuja mentally chanted, not looking forward to a girls day out, shopping in Lindblum. Kuja had thought they'd sneak out after dinner, it appeared Lady Hilda had _other_ plans for the cursed sorcerer.

-0-0-


End file.
